How can I help a friend who has quit attending church?

Most people who quit church do so because of a relational issue within the congregation or they are trying to cope with a challenging situation. Some do leave because of doctrine, but the majority have had a conflict with someone in the church or something happened in their life that is leaving them discouraged. It might be that they lost their job, are going through a divorce, had a car accident, or are taking care of an ill relative.

When people stop attending church, many of them are wondering if the church really cares about them. They might be discouraged with their own failures, but they might also focus on the lack of genuine love coming from others. Of course, this all begins to take a toll on their spiritual life. Bible study and prayer time can start to slip. They begin to question whether church is even relevant to their lives anymore.

That’s why it’s important for members to take initiative and reach out to missing members. Like the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15, Jesus pursues those who wander away.

When making contact with someone who has stopped coming to church, put away any critical or condemning attitudes you might have and focus on being kind and understanding. If they are going through a difficulty, try listening without being judgmental. It might be tempting to start lecturing them on their lifestyle, but it would be better to demonstrate love and acceptance at this starting point.

You might eventually ask a couple of open-ended questions. “Tell me about growing up in the church. What was it like for you?” Another question is, “I understand you used to attend church. I’m interested in what led to you stopping.”

Eventually you can share your own story of coming to know Jesus and what the church means to you. You can share appropriate literature with them or even get together with them outside of church. At some point, as the Holy Spirit leads you, you can invite them to come back.

Key Bible Texts

As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:10 KJV)