Does God expect us to live with a physically abusive spouse?

It is very sad that violence occurs in so many Christian homes. Statistically, it is almost always the husband abusing the wife, but it can happen the other way around as well. And there are many different ways family violence happens beyond physical abuse—psychological, emotional, sexual, and verbal. Physical abuse often happens in combination with other types of abuse. When we violate another person by hitting, kicking, slapping, punching, beating, or other forms of mistreatment, we devalue them as human beings created in God’s image.

Sometimes Ephesians 5:22 is quoted to push wives to stay in an abusive relationship: “Wives, submit to your own husbands.” The part that gets left off is “as to the Lord.” So also this passage is looked over: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (v. 25). It is in violation of Christian principles for a husband to demand his wife submit to his physical assaults to her or the children.

Unfortunately, there are times when a marriage deteriorates to a point where physical abuse calls for a separation. Physical harm can be life threatening and is a serious problem that demands immediate attention. The spouse and family members who have been physically abused must find a safe environment in which to live. Both husband and wife need to seek professional help through a qualified Christian marriage counselor. The goal is healing reconciliation, but that might not be reached in some of these cases.

It is in harmony with Christian principles for a spouse to seek a safe place and not live under physical abuse. Churches should be seen as havens of refuge and not be quick to question a person, typically a woman, who is struggling to be faithful in the marriage but is living under such cruelty. Some communities provide domestic violence shelters that give space and time for healing.

Let us help those who are suffering from abuse and not ignore the problem.

Key Bible Texts

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (Ephesians 5:28 KJV)