Dealing With Fights

Scripture: Proverbs 17:1, 1 Corinthians 13:5-7, John 8:1-11
Date: 02/14/2015 
Lesson: 7
"Think about a time you messed up badly and you were forgiven, ministered to, and comforted. What does that tell you about how, if possible, you should do the same for others?"
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Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Sabbath school study hour. My name is John Quedzuweit, I'm one of the pastors here at the Granite Bay church. This quarter's lesson is going to be on the book of Proverbs and we also - with that, this week, we also have a tiny book that we're going to give for free, if you would like it, it's called tiny troublemaker. Just call 866-788-3966 and ask for offer #196.

At this time we want to pray and ask the Lord to be with us as we open up the word today. Our kind, Heavenly Father, we're here today and we just want your Holy Spirit to be with us as we open up the word today. Thank you so much. Be with us now this we pray. In Jesus' Name, amen.

Our teacher today is don mackintosh. He's the campus chaplain at weimar college. Thanks for being with us, don. Good evening, friends. How are you this evening? You ready to study the word? And we're looking together at Proverbs and, you know, it's one of my favorite books.

In fact, up there at weimar, as the chaplain, one of the things I do is I work with the nedley depression recovery program and we use the Proverbs - it's part of our - our therapy because, as we study the Proverbs it makes us think. Usually there's parallelisms and people then begin to look at those and their mind actually wakes up. So I'm delighted to be asked to be here with you for this study time. Our study this time is found in Proverbs chapters 17, 18, and 19. And, of course, you know, the Proverbs are so - while they might seem scattered - you might say that's a kind way to put it.

You know, it moves from one thought to the other and so my old seminary professor, who wrote these lessons, jacques doukhan, dr. Doukhan, has chosen some themes that he focuses in on as we go through these chapters and lesson #7, the title is dealing with fights. Dealing with fights. Now how many of you have ever been in a fight? Alright, I'm glad those cameras are catching all those hands because we've found the people that raise their hands and the other people that didn't want to admit that they've been in a fight. So dealing with fights - and our memory verse for today is taken from actually the first verse of Proverbs chapter 17 - Proverbs chapter 17, verse 1, and I'm using the new king James version tonight.

"Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife." In other words, it's a lot better to not have very good food around and not, maybe, even have air conditioning than to be in a fight with somebody else. You know, I looked it up tonight before I came in and I wanted to know how many wars and conflicts were going on right now, besides the ones I know about, which are not that many, but the number of countries involved in wars tonight are 65 and the number of groups that are fighting with one another in various militias and whatnot - 610 different groups. Those are major conflicts. But then some people you know have conflicts in their own homes. I know some people tonight are in the midst of a fight and I'm praying, and I know we are here, that as we study God's Word it will not just be something we study, but it actually can bring healing and life into hearts and homes tonight.

Amen. So let's pray that that happens. You know, another verse in Proverbs chapter 15, verse 17 - "holy love, found in a cottage is better than the most luxurious feast in the places of strife." So this idea of, you know, fights and - I might just say from the very beginning, because the lesson was not really bringing this verse out, but I'm going to say it just to start out. Because what we want to do is build like a profile of how to deal with fights, okay? That's what we're going to do tonight. I have seven different points that, hopefully, are taken from the lesson, okay? And I've even worked with the lesson a little more than my old professor jacques doukhan, so I know he'll forgive me and you'll follow along.

But one of the things I want to say before I even say what I'm going to say is the best thing to do with a fight is to avoid a fight. Amen. So chapter 17, verse 14, "the beginning of strife is like releasing" - what does it say? Water. "Water;" - now have you ever tried to release water? It's like, 'okay, I'm just going to let a little bit go.' Yeah, my son who's five years old, he tried that the other night and we had to clean up all kinds of stuff. So sometimes you think, 'you know, I'll just have a little fight.

We'll just - we'll get this over with and then we'll just move on.' You know, that's what they thought back in the civil war. They thought, 'you know what? We'll just start this little war. These people are causing some problems in various states' - and I don't want to start another war by talking about north versus south, but maybe you guys can figure that out. And, you know, and they said, 'it won't take very long.' And all the newspapers and all the different articles came out and they said, 'this will be a very short contest. If president lincoln knows what he's doing, this will be a matter of days.

It will be just by blockade at sea.' But you know something? How many people died in the civil war? More than any other war we've ever had, almost all combined. ,000 People - 50,000 amputees. You know, it seems - and some people - I remember reading the accounts of the first battle. They went out and said, 'we're just going to watch this. They brought their picnic.

They thought, 'oh, this will just be a, you know, good little fight.' And then all those people died. Certainly the proverb is true: "the beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts." How many of you think that's pretty good advice? Amen. So, back to our first verse, though, Proverbs chapter 17 with - verse 1, "better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife." You know, right down the road from here, and I lived within miles of here for a number of years, there's a casino. And there's a number of casinos in the world - I actually looked up how many casinos there are too in the various countries. Not that I was, you know, looking to visit the casinos, just for tonight's blessing.

And in the casinos - you know how many casinos there are in North America? It's actually more than anywhere else in the world. There's 1623 casinos in this country. The next largest country - or block - that has casinos is western europe with only 682. We have a thousand more - in this country we are living this particular verse. Most of us are not with a dry morsel with quietness, but many of us are a house full of feasting with strife.

And sometimes this abundance really hurts us. I mean, I remember I was talking to one of the paramedics who worked in the casino down here and he said, 'I have more calls for diabetic reactions, and all these different things, at the casino than I ever had when I was out on the road. People were just feasting and it was causing all kinds of problems. But I wanted to mention this: you know, many times we think if we just get all this money everything would be good. If we would just be in the last part of that verse - we have feasting and we have everything we want.

You know, we think, 'our life would be so great.' But you probably are familiar with the studies on millionaires and those that win the lottery and casinos, most of them either die or have terrible things happen very rapidly. One lady was writing this: "my life is in shambles and hopefully now that all I have is gone, I'll find some happiness. It brought me nothing but unhappiness. It ruined my life." She won millions of dollars and she was just so happy when it was all gone because she said, 'man, this is - this is terrible.' By the way, you know you can't win a casino anonymously, except for maybe just a few of them, because they want everyone to know that you won so they go on the television and they say, 'look, you know, Karen won 50 million dollars. Give her a call.

' And that's - her life is over. Her life is over. So certainly true of the memory verse. So let's go then to the lesson for Sunday, sins and friends. I think that, kind of, almost rhymed a bit but I hope that doesn't work with your friends - sins and friends.

Let's look at the verses for that particular day and I like this. I want to teach you a new word, it's called 'olat.' Can you say 'olat?' Olat. That's an acronym that calls - that means 'overlook a transgression.' Okay? So you've got to learn how to olat. You know, you're going along - olat. So let's look at the verse and then we'll look at - and I'm going to look at Proverbs chapter 19, verse 11 first here, "the discretion of a man" - 19 verse 11 - if you're there with me - "the discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to (olat) overlook a transgression.

" So overlooking a transgression. Now this is step number two in our list that we're making. First of all, avoid a fight if you can. Number two: olat - now what does that mean 'to overlook a transgression?' Well let's go through the verse. "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger," - you know, there are a number of times in Scripture where God is - his character is mentioned and this is one of his characteristics.

He's slow to anger, right? And this is key in terms of de-escalating fights and the discretion of a man - actually, the word there is 'the wisdom' or 'the good sense' of a man is something that makes him slow to anger. It is his glory to overlook a transgression. Now that word 'glory' literally means 'beauty.' When you see someone who doesn't take the bait - doesn't get into a fight - and resists it, that is a beautiful thing. I wish I saw that more with my kids. And when I do see it, I'm just like, 'you know what?' I'll tell my - well, I won't mention my children's names because I don't want to start another fight, but I'll tell the one that did it, I'll say, 'you know what? That was a beautiful thing you did there.

You didn't - you didn't take the bait.' You know, I always tell my kids, 'come and talk to me. I'm the one that is going to take care of it. Vengeance is mine.' Now, of course, vengeance is actually the Lord's. You understand what I'm saying. But this idea of having the discretion to not always get into a fight - I remember once I was walking over in venice.

I don't know if you've ever been there - and you're walking along and there's all those waterways and walkways - and this guy was just completely - well, he had had too much sauce and it wasn't the sauce from his pizza - and he was looking for a fight and he came along and he - he, for some reason, he just thought I looked like somebody he should have a fight with. And my wife said to me - and I think it was on our honeymoon, she says to me, 'what are you going to do about that guy?' I said, 'look, don't even look at the guy. We're not looking at him.' Sometimes the best thing is just to overlook a transgression. He was using foul language. He was talking about me.

He was talking about my wife - on my honeymoon! But I knew that that guy was probably going to hurt us and we're not going to get out of there so just overlook it. Now that doesn't mean it's not a transgression. Notice the text - it is to his glory to overlook a transgression. That doesn't mean you're not calling it a transgression. That doesn't mean it's not wrong, but you're recognizing that that's not the time and that's not the place to deal with it.

This does not mean that you're minimizing sin. Even Christ himself - remember the story, when they were fighting over the body of Moses - or the devil came to fight over the body? He said, 'look, the Lord rebuke you. I'm not fighting with you over that.' There was a time and a place. Christ could have come down off the cross but there was a time and a place, amen? So we have to figure out where that is. So it is his beauty to overlook a transgression.

And, by the way, that word 'transgression' there is no light word. It's the word 'pasha, which means 'rebellion.' It is a serious infraction. It's not like, 'okay, I'm going to overlook it because, you know, he just spilled water on my favorite suit.' No, no, no, no, this is like a transgression. The fact is, I remember, I can't - I mean, jacques doukhan, my teacher, watching - he's probably going to say 'no!' But I believe that word is related to sins that were not even able to be handled in the sanctuary itself. Overlooking a transgression.

Now did this ever happen in the Bible? Can you think of any examples where people overlooked a transgression? I gave you a couple. But can you think of any, like, big sins that people did? I'm going to give you a hint. A coat of many colors. Joseph. Alright, yeah, that's right, Joseph.

Did he overlook transgression? His brothers came. They had thrown him in a pit. He had been in slavery. He had been through unmitigated horror and then his brothers show up looking for food. You know, how many think you would have been a little bit tempted to not overlook that? Now, you know, he did mess around a bit with them to make sure that they - you know, he wanted to figure out where their character was and what - but largely overlooked the entire thing.

Another story in the Bible - can you remember this guy - you remember David when he was down and out and he was walking along and there was this guy coming along and he was throwing rocks at him? Remember that? Remember that guy's name? Shimei. Yes that's right, shimei. He came along and he was throwing rocks - in fact, I think it was, you know, one of the officers there next to David said, 'look at this' - I think he called him a dog - 'look at this dog throwing stuff at you. What are you going to do about it?' He didn't even say anything. He said, 'you know what? Just leave it alone.

' Now I've got to say something about that, though, you know, he said 'leave it alone' but his son said, 'shimei, you live in this part of the city and you don't leave that house because we're keeping an eye on you because you threw a rock at my dad.' This was some years later. Once you're throwing a rock you're probably going to always throw rocks, so just stay in your house. And then, you know - you know the story. Finally one day his servants escaped and he went after them and what happened? He was killed. Shimei was no longer with us.

However, you see, that was slow to wrath. He overlooked that transgression and de-escalated the situation. It would have been no good for him to get into a fight at that time, when he was actually trying to save the Kingdom. How many of you want to have that kind of discretion? How many of you want to have that kind of beauty in your life? How many of you want that in your home? Look, those of you who are watching, do you need that in your life and in your home? We need to pray that God can give us that kind of slow to anger attitude. Now, one last thing, you know, overlooking - we'll come back to that - overlooking is really related to forgiving and if I don't bring that back up again, remind me, okay? So how is it that we can, though - you know, you're thinking, 'wait a minute, you don't know what's happening in my house.

It's really nice of you to have that nice little blue suit on, sit up there in the lights and tell me what I'm supposed to do in my house.' Right? Well, you know, being married 22 years, having four kids, and working in the church, I think I might know a few things about this. But let me tell you, this is what makes me be able to overlook transgressions. It's because I know God's not going to overlook them. And I know he has the wisdom to handle them. What's it say? Romans chapter 12 and verses 18 and 19 - Romans chapter 12, verses 18 and 19 - we'll just look briefly and then we've got to rush on.

Romans chapter 12:18 and 19, "if it is possible," - and, by the way, I think it is - "as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." - And then verse 19 - Romans chapter 12, verse 19, do you see it there? - "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written," - what does it say? "Vengeance is mine." "Vengeance is mine," "I will repay" "'I will repay,' saith the Lord." You say, 'wait a minute. I don't trust the Lord.' You know, I work with a lot of depressed folks. You know, here's the thing, if you try to be the Lord, you're going to wear yourself out. You can never repay somebody. You can't really take care of it.

But God can. And you say, 'wait a minute. God's not going to take care of it like I can.' Oh yeah? I'm going to give you another text. Mark this text down. It'll really help you.

Psalm 99 - psalm 99 and verse 8 - psalm 99 and verse 8, "..."O Lord our God: thou didst answer them" - psalm 99, verse 8 -"thou answeredst them, o Lord our God: thou wast a God that forgavest them, though thou tookest vengeance of their inventions." Now isn't that an interesting text? In other words, God not only forgives - because he's God he can forgive and also mete out justice. How many of you think that's quite a God? Amen. And he can take care of it. So, overlooking a transgression - any of you married? You know anyone that's married? Are you here as a result of a marriage? Is somebody - you see what I mean? So, look, marriage - you know the first person they look for - someone gets killed in a house - they look at the spouse. Why is that? They got some problems with olat.

They're not overlooking transgressions and it builds up and they say, 'I am not overlooking that transgression.' And they go after each other. Now, I remember a story, you know, I was told this couple got married and this one spouse said to the other - I can't remember if it was a female or a male. Actually, I do, but I don't want to bring the gender issue into it. And so they got married and one said, 'you know what? We're married. So why don't we make sure nothing builds up between us.

' 'Alright.' One says, 'well, I'll tell you everything you did wrong. At the end of the week we'll just get together and I'll tell you everything you did wrong. And we'll just write it out and we'll put it in this little bottle.' How many of you think that sounds like a very good idea. So they had their little bottles. One bottle for this spouse, one bottle for the other.

And they got to the end of the week and they pulled out these papers. Oh man, they - one spouse read it and there was this terrible thing. The toothpaste was being used wrong and the toilet paper was being used wrong - all these different things. And the other spouse was like, 'oh.' And he says, 'well, what's in yours?' They opened up their bottle and they began to read it. 'I love you.

I love you more. I love you more and more. I love you love you love you.' Which one was more fruitful? It was the one that overlooked those little transgressions. How many of you want to have that in your lives? Okay, but having said that, going back to our lesson now, Proverbs 19 - or 17 verse 9 - 17 verse 9 - let's read that together. It was also in sins and friends.

We better hurry up here because this is only on Sunday's lesson - but let's read it - 17, verse , "he who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends." Oh, this is a - this is another text that's kind of related to the last one, isn't it? You know I saw this guy that received a letter - just this last week on the internet news - and he found out that he had - that there was this letter he found from 1950-something - or his wife had hidden the letter from a lady that wrote to him and said that he had a child with her. So he had a child that he never knew about for all these years. And the wife did not show him the letter. How many of you saw this on the news? And when I saw that I was like - and then the guy was kind of angry. 'Why didn't she tell me that I had this child.

' And all that. But really, I thought about that wife. And I thought, 'you know what? That wife was probably trying to do the best for her marriage and for her husband. Didn't want to say - didn't want to hurt his reputation. And for her to keep that to herself all those years and try and protect the reputation of the family in different things.

I thought, 'what a testimony to that lady.' That she attempted to cover a transgression seeking love. Now, you know, we're told many times in the Bible to not cover transgression. So the idea here is why would it say cover a transgression if we're not supposed to? Well, let me give you a couple texts that come to mind. You can just jot these down because I'm running out of time. I thought this was going to go slower.

I thought this was like western savings time or something out here, but it's not. To cover a transgression - you know, Matthew chapter 18, verse 15, where it talks about when you have a problem with someone else. What does it say? Verse 15? "Go to your brother alone and talk with him." Don't go with the megaphone, go alone. And what are you doing? You're covering that transgression. You don't want him or her to look bad, you just want to clear it up.

How many of you think that's a good thing to do? That's covering a transgression. What about Joseph? When he found out that his fiance was pregnant by the holy spirit? I mean, how's he going to explain that to anyone anyway, right? Right? So he goes, 'alright, that's true. I do believe the Holy Spirit is God. I believe all those things, but it's not going to be happening down at the 7-11 store here down in shekem' - or wherever. I'm not bringing that up.

I am going to protect the reputation of mary. Do you remember that? It says - so Joseph put her away - what does it say? Secretly - or quietly. Matthew chapter 1, verse 18 and 19. And, again, I'm not saying that was a sin. You understand what I mean? But he realized some things just are not going to translate to radio here.

People are not going to understand what's happening. Proverbs 25:9 - look at that one since we're right in Proverbs - Proverbs 25:9, "debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another;" - this is the idea of covering a transgression. You know, 'alright, my neighbor and I had this problem, you know, why is he planting this grape vine on my side?' Well, not everybody in the world has to know about that. Just go and try and figure it out. This is wise counsel, isn't it? Now, ultimately, at the end of it all, you know, the only covering that comes for sin is the penalty being paid for it by a sacrifice, in the old testament, or by Christ himself.

And I wanted to show you this one. I thought it was interesting as I was studying this proverb. Proverbs 16 and verse 6 - look at it with me - Proverbs 16 and verse 6, "in mercy and truth atonement is provided for iniquity; and by the fear of the Lord one departs from evil." Now look at that. What is it that really covers there in that verse? "In mercy and truth" - so mercy and justice - truth is always just, right? - "Atonement is provided" - you know what the word 'atonement' means? 'Covering' - covering is provided. So the real way we cover things up - or the real way transgression is ultimately covered up is what? By the sacrifice of God himself.

Amen. That's the whole point. It might take a small sacrifice for you to 'olat' - to overlook a transgression - to cover things up. That doesn't mean you're taking away the fact that it's a transgression. And God will - God will take care of it.

See, you're being slow - slow to wrath. You're allowing space - you're not bringing it out in the open so people get all up in arms about it. Psalms 85:2 was mentioned in our lesson, "you have forgiven the iniquity of your people; you have covered all their sin." Jesus even did this on the cross - 'father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. They just don't know what they're doing.

' Right? Alright, well let's - let's continue on and, by the way, at the end of that same verse - let's just talk about it - "he who covers a transgression seeks love" - this is Proverbs 17:9 again, "he who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends." So, in other words, really the meaning of the text is, you know, once something's covered through love, you don't need to tell anyone else about it. I forgave them. They forgave me. Then why even tell anyone else about it? But the problem is we like - 'I was quite righteous. Let me mention to you how benevolent and loving I was.

' 'Well, what did they do to you?' You know, that's just not helpful. How many of you have ever been tempted to do that? When you're saying, 'well, wait a minute, I'm not tempted to do that. That sounds like something someone else would do.' Well, I'm going to come to a statistic that might make you shake in your little padded seat tonight, but I like how one preacher put it - John piper - he said, 'don't talk about people's faults, talk to them about their faults.' Okay, so repeating the matter will separate friends. Now here's the statistic, okay? They did research - at least this is what Google told me, okay? And it was a Google scholar so this is very reputable. It actually had references and everything.

About 60 percent of conversations between adults are about someone who is not present. Percent - and most of those are passing judgment on the person who is not there. You know what that's called in the Bible? Gossip - percent. And, by the way, they studied, you know, corporations. The assistant professor, eric gilbert, of the school of interactive computing, looked at - and you can go online and look at this if you want - the enron corpus.

This was 600,000 e-mails that were sent among 158 employees. Enron was that company that, years ago, tanked because they - of mismanagement and, basically, you know, some dishonesty - and they looked at all these e-mails and the average person in that organization sent 112 e-mails a day and they went through it and this is what they did: they said any e-mail that mentions anything about someone where the person is not in the subject line or in the cc line, that's gossip, so they looked at it. And they looked at all those and guess what they discovered? Percent of those e-mails were gossip. And gossip, however, when they studied it, was at every level of the organization - from the very top down. Now this is what they did find, and this might be instructive to us.

Those at the top did a lot less gossiping than those at the bottom. Maybe that's why they were at the top, I don't know. The lowest ranked employees gossiped most and, usually, three - there was three times more negative than positive gossip. I mean, there is positive gossip, you know, 'man, this guy is - you know, that don, he is great.' You know? I'm not giving you any ideas. Anyway, so someone who repeats a matter.

Okay, number 2 rebuking and confronting sin is our lesson - let's see, where is that? What day is that? I kind of got that out of order, but let's just say it goes with Monday - be just - okay? And we'll look there at verse 10 of chapter 17. Chapter 17 and our Proverbs verse 10, "rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool." - And then verse 25, they also mention there - this is chapter , verse 25, "strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and he will discern knowledge." So right after it says 'olat,' - what does that stand for? Overlook a transgression. 'Overlook a transgression.' It says, wait a minute, rebuke. There is a place for rebuke that we need to be aware of. So this idea of rebuke - let's talk about rebuke just for a minute.

Is rebuke a good thing? How many of you have ever been rebuked and found that that was a good thing? Yeah, maybe not right then, but you think about it in the Bible. Many turning points in the Bible came because of rebuke. Remember Paul, he rebuked Peter because Peter, kind of, was treating people the wrong way in Galatians chapter 2. And remember Jesus, what did he say? Luke chapter 17 and verse 3, "take heed to yourselves. If your brother" - or sister - "sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

" So there is a place for rebuke, you know, there really is. Now, I mean, practically put. If you're a father or you're a parent or you're a mother, I mean, your lot in life is to - Godly - in a Godly fashion, rebuke your children. That's why you're in existence, right? Is that right or am I wrong? Yes. Right? Now, sometimes your children will also rebuke you and that's also a good thing.

I remember once my little daughter, we taught her this memory verse. The memory verse was 'do not rebel against the Lord.' Well, she loved that memory verse. She followed me around all day one day, 'do not rebel against the Lord.' I'm next to the refrigerator, 'do not rebel against the Lord.' I was like, 'I needed that, thank you.' I'm next to the television set, 'do not rebel.' 'Thank you.' You see what I mean? So God can use it both ways - and he can even use a donkey. Revelation chapter 3 and verse , "as many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." - Now this is - this is actually an instructional word - to rebuke means to not agree with a thought or something someone has done - and to chasten means not just to punish but means to correct and get back in the right path. This is like what happens in school.

This is why you send your kids away to school - because you go, 'okay, the burden is too great. I'll pay whatever price. Go.' - You rebuke. You chasten them, right? Which is a function that's handed over of a parent. You're still responsible but you're picking the school for a child until a certain case.

Yes or no? So rebuke and chasten. We do this all the time in our - in our therapy sessions and whatnot with depressed folks, when we're working with, you know, those folks that are suffering from major depression. Many times they have the wrong thoughts and these wrong thoughts are then creating the wrong feelings. And these wrong thoughts and feelings then lead to the wrong actions and so we do something called 'cognitive behavioral therapy.' We're going, 'wait a minute, your cognitions - your thoughts - are wrong and so you need to change those thoughts.' And for a minute, you know, you tell someone that and they're just like, 'what? You're telling me my thoughts are wrong?' You've got to be careful, right? Because there's pride that comes in. Pride that comes in - hey, you know, and this isn't in my lesson, but let me give you four quick points on that, okay? Four points - this is from ucla - on how to help confront someone.

Number 1, when you're confronting someone, you help them re-label the situation - number 1 - re-label. If you're writing this down, write it down - re-label - what does that mean? The apostle Paul did this all the time. He said, 'this is not me but sin that dwelleth in me.' Notice he was re-labeling there, wasn't he? Number 2 - you're re-labeling - you're re-attributing it, so to reattribute - they did research with folks that were depressed and they found out that many of these negative automatic thoughts that they had, guess where they're coming - they're coming from this section of the brain - the mid-brain - not the front brain. And they're saying, 'okay, re-label it, but let's see where it is. Reattribute it - it's in this part of the brain, not here.

Now which part of the brain is supposed to lead you around? This part of the brain, not this. So you reattribute it. And they'd show them the pictures of their brains and they'd go, 'oh wait a minute. It's in that section of the brain.' Number 3 - refocus - that means to choose something different. Now you might choose it on the basis of a proverb or on the basis of a rebuke someone brought to you - you know, it gets your attention.

You know what you're doing? - I remember once, I was a nurse - before I was a pastor - before I was a teacher - and this lady, her name was eileen, and eileen said to me, 'you know what? You have no business being a nurse. You don't know what you're doing. You're mistreating the patients.' I wouldn't listen to her so one day she said, 'come here.' And we were in the dirty utility room. Now that sounds really bad, but that's just where all the dirty utensils were. And we were in this dirty utility room and she goes 'lean down here for a minute.

' I leaned down, she grabbed my neck and she started hitting me on the head with a bedpan. Now imagine that. I mean, here I am, you know, I'm teaching Sabbath school here and just picture that - I'm getting hit with a bedpan. But what was she trying to do? She said to me, 'I've got to get your attention!' - She was about 65 and I was about 25 - and she said, 'you are not doing what you should do.' And I began to watch her. She was always with the patients.

She was always rubbing their backs. She was always ministering to them. You know what? It changed course - when you get hit in the head with a bedpan it changes your life. It sure does. So re-label, reattribute, refocus and then, last are, revalue on the basis of truth.

See, that's what rebuke is. Rebuke is based on what? TRuth. It's saying, 'look, there's a truth you need to know. And that's the - "as many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." Alright, let's head on to our next point. Tuesday's lesson - words, again - they had us read the entire chapter of Proverbs 18 and, you know, it had us focus on words.

Now I looked up words - the statistics concerning words - the average person, and I guess I would live up to this tonight because none of you all have microphones, I guess just I do. The average person spends 20 percent of their waking hours talking. And that doesn't include the inner monologues or self-talk that you have. Now that's a lot of speech, isn't it? A couple lessons here from Proverbs chapter 18, remember verse 2 was brought out. Look at that with me, Proverbs and verse 2, "a fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.

" Yeah, so he just wants to talk all the time and never listen. Have you ever met anyone like that? Yeah, you just - I remember once I was talking to this guy, I won't mention his name because I've read that proverb that says don't mention it, but I was watching him one day and he was so good at speaking and talking that I looked at him and I was in the car with him - I hadn't said anything for about two years. I mean, I was, you know - and I'm quite a talker, right? But I was silenced. This guy was just like - he was talking and I watched him. He was talking as he breathed out and as he breathed in.

I was like, 'are you talking while you're breathing in and out? He goes, 'yes, I learned it while I was a literature evangelist.' But a fool - I'm not saying literature evangelists are fools, don't get me wrong, but always talking and never listening never really gets you any understanding. And it certainly is not the best thing for conflict. Remember our rules for conflict: number 1, avoid it if you can. Number 2, overlook a transgression. Number 3, cover or forgive.

Number 4, we talked about don't repeat or gossip. And number 5, we're talking about confronting and now we're mentioning here, watch your words. Can you escalate a situation sometimes if you keep talking? Yes. You know, I have another - they did studies of men and women - and I'm going to get in trouble - and they found out one of the problems with men is that they stonewall. Stonewalling is where the wife is talking and the guy is just sitting there.

Not listening. And kind of like looking like this and, actually, they might physically move their body and it looks like they're not listening, but they are listening. In fact, they discovered this at the gottman institute. They hooked them all up to monitors and they took these husbands and wives and they put them in this room and they had cameras on them and they watched them and they watched their facial expressions and everything and they knew exactly what was happening. The guy will not listen, but they took his heart rate and his blood pressure - it was skyrocketing.

It was here and his internal talk was this: 'I can't believe she's saying that to me. Maybe she'll go away if I look comatose.' You know, and so this stonewalling - now, here's the thing. The ladies thought, 'he's not listening to me. I need to go slap him upside the head. I'm going to get his attention.

We've got to get to the bottom of this right now.' That's not the right thing to do. You know what the good thing to do is to say, 'it's obvious that, while it looks like you're not listening to me, you probably are and I need to give you a little space. But I do want to talk, honey.' - Honey - you know, say it just really nice like 'honey, I do want to talk but let's give each other space and come back.' How many of you see what I'm saying here? So words - more words - would not really help at that particular time. Which brings us to chapter 18, verse 4. Look at 18, verse 4, which was also brought out in our lesson.

Let's look at it, "the words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook." What does that mean? First of all, you've got your fool who's always talking - not connected to reality, okay? Has no understanding. But next you have this picture of someone whose words are like deep waters. I mean, the more you talk about it, you're like, 'wow, that was deep.' Right? I remember once, I was talking like a fool to my conference president. I was a pastor in the middle of America in Kansas and I was telling him, 'elder, I'm going to go out and visit and I'm going to make sure and clean up these books and I've just found this and that.' And I was just going on and on and on and on and he goes - and I go, 'so what do you think of that?' And I'm on the phone and he just says to me, 'don, it doesn't do much good to kick a dead horse.' I was like, 'what in the world is this guy talking about?' 'It doesn't do much good to kick a dead horse.' I hung up the phone and I thought about that for a couple of weeks. And then I understood it.

You see, His Words were deep and there was a lot of wisdom. He wasn't going to try and throw water on me right then, but he had these words that were wise. So the words of a man's mouth are deep waters - they're like a wellspring of wisdom that is a flowing brook. I don't know if you remember elder leslie hardinge. I loved that guy.

I loved to listen to that guy preach. I brought him to my church one day, he was preaching, and I said to him, 'elder hardinge, it says right here in this book that the sermon is only ten percent of the work. Ninety percent is in visitation. I want you to go visiting with me.' He gives me this look like, 'alright.' So I take him out to these places visiting and I took him into this one lady's house - I still remember it - she was asking him questions, 'well, what do I do with Johnny? Well, what do I do with timmy? Well how do I take this message and apply it to my husband?' And he was just giving these one liners and they weren't long, you know? Like one thing I think she said was 'well why is it that he does this?' And he goes, 'ma'am' - no, he didn't have a twang like this, I'm just - I don't know what came over me - he goes, 'ma'am, you know if I could give you a reason, it would be reasonable.' I said, 'man, that is the most brilliant answer I ever heard in my life.' And she's like, 'well, well, well, I suppose you're right!' I said, 'we have to go.' She said, 'no, no, no, no! Don't take him away. You can go but leave him here.

' I mean, I didn't take too much offense. I said, 'well why do you want him to stay?' She goes, 'you just leave him in the corner. I want him to talk all day.' You see, because he was a wise man and His Words were deep and it says that "the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook" and wisdom is always - this is the wisdom of God in the Proverbs, right? And it comes from above and it's first of all peaceable and it entreats and it brings hope and help. Chapter 10, verse 11 - Proverbs chapter 10, verse 11 goes along with it, "the mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked." So if you're a righteous person, you know, people seek you out. They want to hear what you've heard, because you don't really have anything to say unless you heard it from God, right? And they want to hear what you heard, what you had to say, because it's wisdom from above.

How many of you want to be wise? In Proverbs, you know, it talks about listening to the counsel when you're young so that when you're older - go look at it - Proverbs chapter 19, verse 20, "listen to counsel and receive instruction," - 19:20 - "that you may be wise in your latter days." Now I tell you what, there's something - I lived with my grandfather. He was 86 years old when he moved in with me. Now this guy, I just loved listening to him. He was like - I'd come home and I would have a torrent of words and then he'd go, 'well,' and then he'd just say like three things and I'd be thinking for ten days. How many of you want to build that up now? You know, we need white blood cells in the church.

We don't just need red blood cells, amen? We need some white blood cells. I had them dye my hair this color for tonight, just to make it look like I'm looking a little whiter. Alright, well let's keep going on here. By the way, I think one of our texts, lest I forget it, was :21 in the lesson this week and this makes perfect - perfect sense - 18:21, "death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit." In other words, you know, you've got these people that you bring in - these are the wise guys - these are the ones who have the wisdom from above and if you bring them in, their words are going to bring life. But if you bring the others in, it's going to kill - how many of you have ever said, 'you know what, we need to have this guy speak tonight, not this other guy, this guy?' You see, because there's death and life in the tongue.

Alright, man I tell you, time is just fleeing by. We only have five more minutes. I better tell them about this offer again, right? You guys are watching here -the tiny troublemaker - of course, what's that tiny troublemaker? It's your tongue. It might be your ear - he who has an ear let him hear, but in this case, it's the tongue. So the tiny troublemaker - we want to send it to you - or Amazing Facts - a wonderful ministry - has all kinds of free resources.

And, again, this one - #196 - offer #196 - here's the number you call 866-788-3966 - that's -788-3966 or 866-study-more - that'll help you remember it, okay? Offer #196 - the tiny troublemaker. Alright, now another part of our lesson, and we're going to close up here in our next five minutes, is hearing both sides of the story is another one. Chapter 18 and verse 17, "the first one to plead his cause seems right until his neighbor comes and examines him." Now, I do a lot of counseling these days in my life and I've learned something, both with my children, my church members, and especially with married couples. Never listen to one side of the story. Don't say much of anything until you hear both sides of the story.

And why is that? Because I found an interesting study that was done by an attorney so I don't know if it's really totally accurate. And he said that in the study, himself, as a joke. I think good attorneys are great. I found an interesting study that said the average person, if they're in conversation for more than five minutes, they've told a lie. And the study found that the primary reason they lie is because they want to twist the truth to make themselves look better.

So there's a lot of that going on. So here in Proverbs chapter 18 and 19, the whole idea is lying in court, it seems to be, chapter 19, verse 5, for instance, "a false witness will not go unpunished and he who speaks lies will not escape." If you're under oath - 'I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.' You know, that's why they take that oath. A false witness will not go unpunished. What is desired in a man is kindness and a poor man is - a poor man is better than a - what does it say? A liar. Telling the truth when you're in conflict is the best policy.

It's the best policy. Overlook a transgression, cover it, pre-emptively avoid it, don't gossip, confront when you need to, watch Your Words, but listen to both sides, but then tell the truth. Verse 8 - or 28 - "a disputable witness" - this is chapter 19, verse 28, "a disreputable (rather) witness scorns justice and the mouth of the wicked devours iniquity." So we need to be telling the truth and we need to not be perpetuating lies because, you know, the truth will actually, you know, find you out. I remember once an attorney told me a story about he was in workmen's comp and comp claims and I would go watch these cases sometimes when I was a pastor. And I'm now a pastor again, but - and I love - I love that work because, you know, you get to meet people and see what they do.

But I went with these folks to a court case and they were always trying to make sure these workmen's comp - that they'd get the maximum amount. And they'd have this attorney on one side and the other side and they were acting like something had happened and they were really, really kind of trying to lie, basically. And this guy had had it in the bag and it looked like he was going to win this huge settlement and then the other attorney gets up and says, 'i'd like to ask you a few questions.' And he says - he says to him - he says to him, 'look, you know, would you please raise up your hand as high as you can to show the lack of motion for that injury?' So he does, like that. And then he goes, 'and just for comparison, what was it like before the injury?' (Raises arm fully) and, of course, he lost the case. You know, the thing is, our sins will find us out many times.

So the best thing - the best thing is to what? Is to tell the truth. Tell the truth. And we need to tell the truth about others, too. You know, another story, as we close up here - you know, and this is from Proverbs 26:28, "a lying tongue hates its victims and a flattering mouth works ruins." Telling the truth - you know, years ago, if I was to ask you 'what does a viking look like?' What would you say? You would have a picture in your mind of what? A viking. Horns, right? Do you know they've never found any examples from history where they had these helmets on with horns.

Do you know where they came from? Christians who were talking about those viKings and they said, 'these are like demons that are coming to attack us.' And they put horns on the pictures. But it stuck - it stuck, right? So sometimes the lies we tell others, they sometimes stick. How many of you - how many of you don't want to be telling lies about others? How many of you want, through the power of God, the fights to stop in your family? You might have pinned some horns on your wife and you're going to say, 'by God's grace, I'm going to do everything to take those horns off. That's not the truth. I didn't tell the truth about my wife.

' You might have said, 'you know, my husband is a complete...' - Whatever you called him. Say, you know, that's not right. There's other things. How many of you want to make your husband look good? You might say that about your kids. I don't know what it is.

Maybe your church is in the middle of a fight. I don't know what it is. You know what? This is not the time to be fighting in God's church. It's really not. We've got an enemy to fight.

We don't have any business fighting each other. And you know what's going to help us? God's Word. If we look at His Word - we just simply take it as it plainly reads, you know what's going to happen? God's going to come in. He's going to change things. How many want that to happen in your life? How many want there to be an end to fights? Hasn't it been great studying Proverbs? And guess what? Next week we're going to study again.

We're going to continue on. Some of my favorite chapters, Proverbs 20, 21, and 22 - you can't miss it. We'll see you then. Amazing Facts changed lives. Well, my conversion story is when I was in the Philippines I just graduated as a nurse and afterwards I did not have any religion and one time I found myself inside a small church - catholic church in manilla - and before a big cross and I was kneeling before and I could hear Jesus telling me to enter the convent, save myself, and also my family.

And I said, 'Lord, I would like to follow you all the way.' At that point I seemed to be happy, externally, but because inside the convent we don't read the Bible - we don't study about the Word of God, we pray the rosaries. We also, at the same time, study the lives of the saints and also our founders and the encyclicals of the pope, and the virgin mary. And so I do not know the truth and I had this torture of conscience - the guilty feelings that cannot be resolved. So I would confess to the priest in the confessional box saying, 'father, forgive me. Since my last confession was last week - since then I have committed the following sin including the root cause, 'why am I falling and falling in that same sin over and over again?' And still, for 21 long years I struggle and I struggle and I struggle.

I realized that I was totally empty. I was totally helpless and hopeless and so depressed and so desperate that I would like already to end my life. I was working for five years as dean of the university of saint Augustine college of nursing in iloilo iloilo city, one of the islands of the Philippines. After five years I received my commission from my parents to help my sister who is being a battered woman. This is one of the reasons why I came over to the United States.

It is because my sister needs my help. As I was working in the hospital in New York, my boss, seraphin, he was so gracious enough to give me an invitation to the 'millenium of prophecy'. As I was listening to pastor Doug Batchelor's presentation, my heart really was beating so fast and my mind - I am able to grasp the truth that this is the truth that I've been longing to hear all my life - that I have been seeking for so long. My personal relationship with Jesus - I can see Jesus as my personal Savior. He is not only the Savior of the whole world, but he is my personal Savior.

He was the one who delivered me mightily from the depths of sin - from the mirey clay. Pastor Doug Batchelor has been used by the Lord in my conversion. The Amazing Facts - I owe to them. the Lord really blessed this ministry and I'm so proud I was able to attend this 'millenium of prophecy'. My life has never been the same.

It has given me that peace - that joy that never - I have never tasted in my life. Now I am set free to be able to work for him and to follow him. In six days God created the heavens and the earth. For thousands of years, man has worshiped God on the seventh day of the week. Now, each week, millions of people worship on the first day.

What happened? Why did God create a day of rest? Does it really matter what day we worship? Who was behind this great shift. Discover the truth behind God's law and how it was changed. Visit ''. One of the islands of the Philippines.

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